After sleeping the whole night through, or even just a solid 5-6 hours, I feel extremely strong and extremely confident. Like, “Come at me, bro!” confident. And by the way, sleeping up until 5am is absolutely included in the ‘whole night’ category – even if I wake up a few times to move into a new sleeping position. Weird how something you take for granted (closing your eyes at night and letting your body take the wheel) vastly impairs your daily functions and your thoughts if your mind is holding the wheel as opposed to your body. Stupid controlling, head!
Most of the time, it’s a dull ache right at the front of my head. I’ve just presumed this whole time that it’s been a byproduct of a sinus infection that I had last year (Feb – March, 2012). Every night, either one or the other nostril get plugged up, which is why I assumed its sinus related. I did mention this to Dr. Surgeon and he said that it’s probably chronic sinusitis and that he could refer me to an E.N.T. He also said that sinus infections do a number on your sinuses, since there are so many nooks & crannies in there. I'm sure it's stress manifesting itself in all kinds of ways. As I am typing this, that pesky worry wart is slouching away, but he still scares me a bit.I was talking to the hubs, not this last weekend but the weekend prior, and I completely went straight into freak out mode over it. Every little thing since the diagnosis has been in the back of my mind – or should I say the front of my mind with this dull ass pain. Every chest pain. Every little heart flutter. Every lower back pain. Every sneeze (which I've been doing a lot of). And of course, every headache. It could be stress. It could be a complete lack of sleep. It could be a cyst in there. It could be allergies, too - which I actually think it may be. I mean, it’s not like I can feel something literally ‘moving’ in there. It’s not like a pinball machine – though the thought makes me giggle (picturing my eyes lighting up really bright, blinking with bells going off when ‘whatever-it-is’ touches a certain part of my dome). It could be a combination of a ton of things, which I absolutely don’t want Melanoma to be a part of. That would suck…that would suck BIG time.
Most of the time, when I am worrying, I get this wave of calmness. At least at this point, I can’t change anything. I can’t change the fact that I sat on this growing mole for over a year. I can’t change the diagnosis. I can’t change any future diagnosis, either. What I can change is my mood, my attitude and my overall outlook. Worrying will never change the outcome. That will become my mantra until April 23rd – the day of the follow up appointment to find out results of from surgery day. Ohhhh.....surgery is 3 days away, I'm weirdly SUPER excited for it :)