Thursday, April 25, 2013

I've got an angry nerve!

It’s been a day shy of two weeks since surgery and tomorrow is the day where I am supposed to be “back to normal”.  Yeah, right.  I’m still really sensitive.  Had the follow up appointment with Dr. Surgeon on Tuesday (news still good, still clean) and can you guess what happened?  They ripped the tape off.  As in it violently ripped it off.  As in my back started bleeding when the tape was ripped off.  I screamed.  I cussed.  I swatted hands away.  
I really thought the tape coming off would make things feel at least a tiny bit better.  For some reason, I was thinking that the tape was pinching the skin in a strange way, thus making my nerves act all weird.  Wrong.  The tape is off and the skin/area is almost more sensitive.  I’m still numb on the left side of the incision on my back all the way down to the underside of my left arm.  Now, it’s not all numb; it’s the most peculiar sensation. You know when you’ve slept on your arm and when it starts tingling back to life?  It’s still kind of numb, but it hurts?  Combine that with the feeling of having a big bruise that gets touched.  It’s mixed like that, numb but bizarrely painful. 

The hubs is always accidentally touching my back/arms and I wince in pain.  It’s just him being affectionate.  He’ll grab me by both arms to bring me in for a kiss – while I silently cringe.  I guess it’s not so silent; my face always gives it away…  I wish it were warmer so I could wear a tank-top or something that would show the cuts so people are reminded to be a little delicate when hugging/touching. 
The unfortunate thing is this is completely normal.  Based on what I’ve read, I will have these sensations for a few more....months.  There are several LARGE nerves in your axilla region (aka – your armpits).  I doubt that they’ve been severed because I would assume the pain would be outrageous.  I don’t know what the heck was done, but my nerve(s) are a little on the messed up side.  When I lift my arm up, you can feel through the skin (and sometimes see) what seems to be a thick nerve in my pitter.  It seems angry.  My right arm doesn’t have it.  Can nerves get swollen?  How can I make my nerves happy again?  I don’t know.  This is why I don’t like moving my arm around – it also gets angry.  Makes me think of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" ~ I've got an angry nerve!  (If you're into obscure/funny/inappropriate musicals - that movie is for you).

Here are some new pictures of the aftermath.  The incision on my back is actually about 5 inches and the one under my arm is about 4 inches.  I got out of the shower last night and pulled out my mirror and just stood there....staring.  This was the first time that I've seen it bare, without any tape or bandages.  It's still has a bunch of glue on it, but you can see it in it's full gnarly, glory.

This is what my actually left pitter looks like.  See the "swollen nerve" on my left side or whatever the hell it is?  That's what it looks like, feels like and seems like.  That 'line' in my left pit is the one that feels like it's going to snap when I lift my arm up.  It's super cool...

RESPECT THE SUN!  Things could obviously be worse, the cancer could have spread.  I'd much rather have these gnarly scars than have my lungs, liver, kidneys and/or brain being invaded by Melanoma.  BUT believe me, if I could have avoided this shit – you better damn believe I would have.  BE AWARE OF YOUR BODY!

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