Tuesday, October 1, 2013


dis·cour·ag·ing  adj 
Causing loss of hope or enthusiasm: making somebody feel less motivation, confidence, or optimism about something 

This word pretty much describes life at the moment.  Hey, don't get worried, I still LOVE laughing and I still get joys out of life‘s little, beautiful moments…but things are kinda rough right now.  I guess I forgot how hard it is to be out of work.

Initially I tried to use this time to relax for once.  That didn’t really happen because within the first week I got a weird ‘stress-rash’ on my abdomen which is either rosacea or psoriasis and super cool thing is there isn’t anything that can be done to make them go away other than UV light. They go away when they feel that their job is done…and the unfortunate thing is they are totally working overtime.

I wish I was the one working overtime.

Prior to now, the last time I was out of work was in 2007.  I was a loan processor and the market basically crashed hardcore.  Everything was changing, we were pulling files on an hourly basis because guidelines had changed with rates, loan amounts, credit scores - the main structure of a loan was rewritten and we had to pull those that no longer qualified.  It was terribly stressful on everyone involved, including the borrowers.  Entire departments were cut and I was one of the handful of processors that were let go.

I went to a temp agency the first day that I was off and was basically told that I wouldn’t be hired anywhere because I had “mortgage” on my resume.  She didn’t even put me in the system; she said that her clients were specifically requesting non-mortgage applicants.  I thought she was exaggerating.  She wasn't...  That was the hardest time trying to find a job.  Until now.

There have been SO many jobs I’ve applied to where my experience was a perfect match to the job description.  It’s so discouraging.  Everyday the job hunt is a complete discouragement.  I can’t help but wonder if employers are “googling” my name, finding this very blog and it’s hindering my progress.  I hope they can see the 'real' me.  Not just the girl that writes about Cancer...or even worse they only see a girl "with" cancer. This blog was meant to help get things off my chest with high hopes of reaching and helping others that are going through a similar situation; I never thought that it would impose a risk in getting a job.

A funny thing happened this morning, I got on the computer this morning and within 10 minutes on the hunt the power turned off.  It’s not like a breaker issue, it was an its-going-to-take-7-hours issue (I looked it up on Edison‘s site from my phone - Boooo!!!).  I took that as a sign to go for a walk, so that’s exactly what I did, I walked away from discouragement.

**By the way, it's soooooo boring being out of work and no electricity until 6pm!  

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