This sucks.

This morning I woke up at 3:30, wide awake.  My first thought was 'Go back to sleep, you need to get up for work in a couple of hours'.  Oh yeah, wait a second, it's Friday, I can stay awake or go back to sleep and actually sleep in.  Wait a second, I lost my job...      Shit.

That's right folks, I lost my job.  Not like oh-it's-lost-and-I-can't-find-it, but I was let go.  I was laid off.  I was cut.  I am no longer working.  There is no easy way to say it...or type it.  Add that to my list of stresses.

This sucks.

I cried a little bit during my "exit interview" though I held it together while I packed 5 years of my work life into a box (which I totally forgot about an entire drawer - my oatmeal must feel so left behind).  I lost it when I got home.  The hubs hugging me while I was totally shaking and crying in his arms.

This fucking sucks.

I've been laid off before, it's never easy.  You have to come to terms with being "the one" that the company can do without.  The last two companies that I've worked at I was laid off twice from each one...they let me go, called me back and then let me go again months to years later.  You can always tell when it was coming because your boss tends to avoid you.  This time was no different.  I knew it was coming; I've been mentally preparing for it for the last several weeks.

Driving home was surreal.  This was a drive that I've done for over 5 years.  Good news - I don't have to deal with the stupid toll road increases anymore...or gas prices.  Ha!  I can't afford them anymore!  My intestines started hurting almost immediately; it's a distinct, sharp pain. I had to drive while putting pressure on my lower stomach.  My kidneys hurt, could be all the wine I had last night - yeah, that's probably it.

Now it's time to get my mind right; it hasn't been "right" for a couple months now.  I'm not really the same person since Melanoma forced itself into my life.  I can use this time to learn how to relax, maybe meditate or some shit like that.  I don't want to spend time being sad, I've already done enough of that over the last 6 months.  I'd rather spend time looking forward to a new chapter in my life...spending time getting back to ME.  Everything happens for a reason.