Lately I’ve been feeling a little down on myself. This stupid asshole of a cancer has affected all aspects of my life. I've been trying to focus on trying to get back to normal, which is no easy task. Even though I was barely touched with Melanoma, that touch was enough to mentally jack me the hell up. I suppose it was a little more than just a touch, it was more like an aggressive shoulder check.
It’s affected everything. Every. Thing. My work was affected. I can't help but think if I didn't have this stupid shit, then I wouldn't have obsessed on it and I'd probably still have a job....even though it was technically a "lay-off". My relationship with my husband has been affected. I have a terrible time opening up and I've been just a little bit more koo-koo in the last week than I normally am (due to obvious reasons). My sleep has been affected, luckily the last few days have been fine - but I normally only get a couple of good night's sleep a week. And last but definitely not least, my emotions and thoughts have been affected. They were already screwy to begin with so that part has been particularly super fun to deal with! (I'm so sorry honey - things will get better, I promise!)
Throwing in a job loss on top of all the ways that Melanoma has affected my life has just been splendid. Absolutely splendid. I've got some sort of stress rash on my belly - at least that's what I am calling it even though it's not itchy. Lots of little, teeny patches of angry skin. Why, it's the perfect cherry topper to my craptastic sundae! I've tried vitamin E, cortizone cream, super moisturizing lotion and it's not really getting any better...it's sort of getting worse. Hey - now I have time to get to the doctor!
Oh sweetheart, I have been there..God have I been there. I still go there from time to time, it's the new normal. Anyone and everyone who has been really impacted by Melanoma knows what a gut check it is all the time. It ebbs and it flows, but I can promise you that writing about it will help. It's a new life with new shit, fortunately there are a bunch of us in this community that know how to make each other feel a little more sane. Chin up buttercup in melaworld I'm super glad you're my friend ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks honey :) It does help to know that other 'melahomies' understand. Most days are good where I don't think about it, other days suck big time and I can't stop the downward spiral. I guess I have to get used to the new normal. kind of lame, but at least it's a step forward. Thank you :)
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