Year in a glance

Well folks, it’s been a year since I was diagnosed.  Wow.  That shit went by fast!  A lot of things have happened and a lot of things have changed in the last 12 months...primarily me.  Am I the same person?  No.  Not really.  I'm not mentally the same nor am I physically the same. However, I think I am a new and improved version of myself.  I have new pirate pizzazz and a new train of thought. 

All in all things are good, man!  I've got an awesome job, finally!   I fit in this place so much better than any company I've been at - it's seriously awesome, I love it.  I haven't been compelled to write my ramblings of a mad woman lately because I haven't driven through Crazy Town in a while.  Well, wait a second here - there is the exception of when I am on my period - then I totally take a nice scenic route through Crazy Land.  Crazy Land is right next to Crazy Town; not technically the same place, it just sounds the same.  

One of the things that I have learned over the last year is how to get a grip on my mental state - which is kind of hard when it not something tangible - not to mention something that at times you just can't control...at least for me!  My brain is almost it's own entity - especially in the middle of the night/morning when I am wide awake trying to go to sleep.  You gotta get a grip on it and it takes trial and error to figure out what works best for you.

For me, the best coping mechanism was accepting. Accepting the future, whatever it may be.  Accepting the fact that people will come in and out of my life regardless of my actions.   Accepting the changes.  Accepting that things could again change in the drop of a hat.  Accepting the emotions.  And primarily accepting the fear.   Yes, fear is consuming, but it's there for a reason.  Sometimes you have to sit with the fear to understand it.  To understand what it is that you're actually scared of and to understand how to climb out.  If people knew no fear, there would be a whole lot less of us on this planet, there wouldn't be amusement parks and scary movies would be like a romantic comedy.  Fear can be a good thing - in the sense of learning about ourselves and of course roller coasters.  

It is what it is.  Once you can accept that everything happens for a reason you can take the next step forward towards acceptance.  It might be baby steps or big, brave strides.  Whatever you can handle, run with it - we are stronger than we realize. 


**BTW - I was looking for a "motivational" image that references 'getting your shit together and not worrying about fear' and I stumbled across this quote from the great Mr. Walter White.  Let's give him a hand for throwing down some awesome words of wisdom!