Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The Golden Ticket

I wrote this months ago - so I altered the dates originally written to fit with the current...I kinda got sick of this sitting around in my drafts.   :)


I feel like I am incredibly lucky for sitting on this ticking time bomb on my back for over a year and it didn’t spread.  Yes, I needed surgery, but it didn’t infiltrate lymph nodes and as far as I know it hasn’t made its way to organs.  Most aren’t this lucky.  Most that had the same mitotic rate would typically have lymph nodes testing positive and thus needing further surgeries/scans done.  I got a golden ticket.

I feel like I am spitting in the face of my new found luck.  I’m ripping up my golden ticket and throwing it in the air like pretty, golden confetti.  My diet sucks, I have little to no self control when hamburgers or candy are involved, I don’t exercise, I do drink – really the only thing that I have changed is putting sunblock on the rest of my exposed body because I was already diligent with putting it on my face every day. It's almost 10 months since I had the surgery and that flew by like Super Man looking for a porta-potty. 

In a way, this general dismay about myself is a good thing.  I’ve always said that it takes baby-steps and this is just a little wiggle wobble in the right direction.  I know that I will snap out of this haze and as lame as this sounds...start treating my body like the temple it should be.  Wow, that just felt SUPER cheesy typing that, but I (we) do need to look at it that way.  My body jumped in and fought for me....my body fought for us.  I should be rewarding it, right?

I need to stop feeding my body with chemicals and realize the ultimate prize - my health, my life, my future.  I really enjoy cooking and like to make homemade meals as often as possible, but good lord is it cheaper to pick up a couple of tacos from jack in the crack than to make a delicious and nutritious meal.  I need to deal with my stress as opposed to fighting it and tucking it away like it's not there.  I need to not love western bacon f*cking cheeseburgers!  Even writing 'western bacon' gets my brain going...they're delicious....mmmmmm. Seriously...they're ah-maze-ING....to me!! Where's the nearest Carl's??       O-kay, bye!!  

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