Time of death

O-kay, I'm aware that the title of this posting is dark, but I wanted to share something worth while.

The hubs and I stumbled on a show one night while staying in a hotel in San Antonio (I will write about our trip soon, pinky swear). Our hotel rooms didn't have our lovely DirecTV that we're accustomed to, so we were blissfully unaware of what channels and shows we were flipping through.  We smartened up on the last hotel stay of our trip and made a list of the channels, which we should have done every dang night.  Oh well, hindsight is 20/20, right?

Anywho, this show seemed to be a documentary of terminal individuals and the main focus being of the family matriarch, Maria.  Maria had stage IV Breast Cancer and every episode there were other people willing to share their last moments with the world.  Most participants had some sort of cancer though there was one episode with Cheyenne who had ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease).  I couldn't stop watching.  I was fascinated with how these incredible people and their loved ones are dealing with the reality of their death.  I have never seen another show like this and I think it's............amazing.  Absolutely amazing.  I swear that my heart grew watching them.    

I'm aware that it's a little on the morbid side - who am I kidding, it's completely morbid.  But it's a subject that is never truly, really touched upon.  Movies, TV shows, video games, music and even commercials have death involved - but it's suspended reality.  Oh, don't worry! It's not real, it's just a movie.  What happens when "it" becomes your reality?  You've been suspended for so long that you can't possibly comprehend what to do because death is not in your glossary.   No one ever talks about death even though our departure is something that is absolutely, 1,000% certain for every single one of us (vampires excluded).
 
Time of Death is a 6-part documentary series on Showtime - click on this: (time of death) and it will take you to Showtime's website. If you have 'on demand' capabilities then I recommend that you watch it from the very first episode, it'll make more sense and you'll get a fuller understanding of the main family involved. This show induces thought, as well as tears, so get ready to cry on a couple of them.  It makes you wonder how prepared you and your family for THE uncertainty but it also lets you know that death isn't a tall, scary man in a black robe wielding a giant hay-blade. This show is about family....LOVE....and yes, death.  

Soooo....now that this posting can't get any creepier - I'd like you to check out this show.  I think it's well made, honest and promotes love.  Showtime - Fridays @ 9.  Check it out before it's too late :)

Daydream, here we come!

In the last day I've come to the conclusion that daydreams can come true.  I wrote a post about daydreams one day after the hubs and I had dinner with our aunt.  My daydream has been primarily focused on the lottery, then secondly going on the most epic road trip with the hubs driving clear across the country and back....straight up taking a couple of months to do said epic trip.  I've included the link in here as shown as the funny looking "daydreams" above.

Did I ever imagine that the daydreams would come true?  I hoped.  I like to think that I am just a teeny-tiny bit psychic, but I don't know the future by any means.  At least the daydreams got my mind reeling and rolling of the possibility.  I think that daydreams, imagining and wishes - anything that gets your mind active and off of your current reality, even just for a bit, can do your soul wonders.  It's the complacently that puts us in a rut.  You're fine with your surroundings; you don't yearn for depth, then you find yourself in the blues and grays of your once colorful life.  Not that blues and grays are a bad thing, but what happened to oranges, yellows and turquoise?  Where'd they disappear to??

I'm in a rut...as I am sure that lots of people are.

Now, here is our daydream actually coming to life.  The hub's aunt - we'll call her Auntie G - she's moving to Texas for a short bit to be near her daughter who just gave birth to Auntie G's very first grandchild.  Auntie G has graciously asked the hubs and I to accompany her on this road trip and then fly our butts home.  Can you guess what we said??:  "Um, let's think about this (1 second passes) HELL YEAH!".

All three of us will drive to Houston, however we won't be driving straight through; we'll make pit stops along the way.  We'll see the Grand Canyon (which the hubs and I have never seen. I am almost crying now just given the opportunity to view it's splendor).  We will then go to Sedona, AZ (seeing the pictures online, it looks majestic - simply amazing.) We'll then run through New Mexico and possibly stop at the Carlsbad Canyons - or maybe even White Sands (both of which are equally amazing under and above ground respectively).  Then we will head to our final destination: Houston, TX.  Clear across Texas, damn near to Louisiana - at least it looks that way on my wall map.  

We can only assume at this point that the trip to Houston will take...4 days?  If we wanted to drive all the way through, from Southern CA straight to Houston, it would take approx. 22 hours.  However, including beautiful parts of our Nation to our trip it tacks on quite a bit of hours and miles.  Although, this could absolutely be a one-time opportunity and I am excited...I'm super stoked.  I want to eat in other states, I want to drive in other states, I want to go to the bathroom in other states, I want to talk to people in other states, I want to SEE other states.

This daydream will turn into reality and I hope it will bring back yellow, orange and turquoise to our blue and gray life.

Survivor

Survivor
sur·vi·vor (plural sur·vi·vors) 
1.  somebody who survives: somebody who remains alive despite being exposed to life-threatening danger. 

What does survivor mean to you?  Survivor means that someone/something tried to afflict your being.  You fought with everything that you had to make sure that you survived.  It could be a creep in an alley way.  It could be silent: a lump, a bump, a pain or a even a little mole. Put Cancer into the picture and ‘survivor’ takes on a whole new meaning, doesn't it? “I’m a survivor”: Someone that has had chemo…someone that has had radiation…someone that has been bald…someone that has had REAL Cancer treatment.

The ultimate Survivor to me is my dad.  Dad, I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t ask you about writing this…but I hope you’ll get a smile from this. You looked death in the eyes, spat on it’s shoes and told it’s dumb ass to kick gravel and travel.  Death shivered in your presence. You are SO strong.  I think it’s amazing.

Personally, I’ve had a hard time with this ‘word’: survivor.  To me, I will not classify myself as a “survivor”.  My opinion is that I don’t deserve it.  Yes, I chose to wait for a year with ‘life-threatening danger’ growing on my back before I chose to see a dermatologist…who I am now happily calling “my dermatologist”.  He’s a nice, older gentleman that could totally be my dad’s age.  It’s a bit awkward during our 3 month visit; I’ve seen him seriously every single month since I’ve been out of work, if not twice a month in some cases, so we‘ve bonded a little bit.  The thing that makes me like him is he’ll walk into the office and say “So…did we fix you?”

Anywho - this is to all us ‘survivors’ and ‘non-survivors’ alike.  Regardless if you’ve gone through it yourself or if someone in your family has, I suppose we are all survivors in some sense of the word.  We survive the situation. We survive the thoughts. We survive the pain. We survive the sadness. We survive the day to day.

I guess we are all survivors.